And I thought the last election was important

Four years ago, I wrote a post after voting on election day explaining my reasons for voting the way I did.

And then I woke up the next day, like many of us, with my candidate having lost.

I've thought a lot about that since then.

Over the past four years, I've tried to use this forum to engage in conversations about politics in a polite, factual, respectful way. I've been experimenting with the possibility that maybe I could help people understand each other's perspectives, since we seem to be living in our own realities, depending on the media we consume and the political teams we root for. I wanted to be able to foster intellectual discussions, because I find it interesting. And, deep down, I really hoped to be able to convince someone--anyone--not to vote for the incumbent's second term.

The conversations have occasionally been successful. I have noticed that the dialogs on my threads have generally steered clear of the disrespectful arguments that happen elsewhere. As for convincing someone not to vote for Trump, only you all can tell me if I had any influence.

Tonight, I want to share some glimpses into my life and to the lives of some of the people I love. For those of us who have raised our hands and said "Me too", for those who are worried their marriages will no longer be recognized, for those who have struggled to have medical care, for those who are worried that they need to protect themselves because of the color of their skin.

For about two weeks after the 2016 election, I literally had panic attacks daily. I was in such an incredible state of anxiety that I could not breathe, could not talk to others, especially men. Why? Because as someone who has experienced sexual assault, I suddenly realized how many people are simply okay with men committing sexual assault. We ended up with the "grab them by the pussy" president, and then we were told that our tears made us Snowflakes. Later, the Kavanaugh hearings, which played all day in the break room at work, were some of the most fucked up shit I've ever seen. And we were told to feel sorry for him.

One of my very dearest friends, the one who somehow manages to know, understand, and appreciate all of my weirdness, met his love at the end of college. They dated, moved in together, and built a life years before the Supreme Court decided that they could marry. Going to their wedding was one of the happiest days of my life because I got to see them at the moment when they knew that nothing would change the fact that their life was theirs to decide, to live. I will never forget that I learned of RBG's passing by reading my friend's Facebook post, which simply said "fuck" over and over.

A few years ago, a close friend's husband, who had already experienced multiple medical issues that had strained the family finances, was working for a major shipping company and he bumped his head while doing his job. He knew he had seriously hurt himself, but when he tried to call out sick the next day, he was put in a position where he had to quit or go to work. He chose to quit, and from there, he spent years trying to get treatment for a work-related traumatic brain injury that the company fought. And without the company willing to pay the workers compensation, he couldn't get his wife's insurance to pay either. And so he simply didn't get a lot of treatment. Years later, he has vision and other issues that keep him from being able to work.

Over the past few months, as racial protests have gone on in the wake of the George Floyd killing, I have had beautiful conversations with many people of color about their experience in our country, in their day-to-day lives. A black woman I know at work who lives in a rural area in Maryland and sees open acts of racism occurring more frequently and has become afraid for her family's safety. She recently decided that she needed to buy and be trained to have a gun so that she could protect herself following the election. I don't want to have a president who is celebrated for committing sexual assault. I want my friends to feel certain that their marriage will always be legal and secure. I want people to be able to have medical care so they can live full, happy, productive lives. I want my friends of color to feel safe in their homes.

I'm part of a group of people in my generation who were raised conservative, but who became liberal later. Our families don't understand what they did wrong.

But they did nothing wrong.

They, in fact, did so much that was right.

They told us to get an education so we could think critically. They taught us to "Do unto others as you would have done to you." They taught us to protect life. They taught us to care for the Earth. They taught us that all people are the children of God. They taught us about the history of our country.

I have used my education to learn about different perspectives, about systems, about things that impact us that we can't directly see, like economics, mass communication, social structures. technology. The most central tenet of my day-to-day actions is that I will always follow the Golden Rule, as it clarifies ethical decision making every time. I have learned that protecting life is about so much more than abortion... it is about understanding the root causes of why someone would choose to have an abortion, it is about protecting the full span of life, it is about freedom. I believe that caring for the Earth is the most important gift we can give our children. I have sought to know and love people who are different than me, love that they are different than me, be captivated by the souls walking this Earth who are all children of God. And I know that the history of our country is the battle for freedom, that we must fight for it, always, not only for ourselves, but to ensure liberty and justice for all.

This group of us who were raised conservative and then went out into the world to live our Christian Republican lives were smacked in the face with a different reality than we expected. I remember attending my first meeting of the College Republicans in 1996 where they discussed the need for a border wall with Mexico in order "to keep the dirty Mexicans out." That moment--when the politics of conservativism ceased to line up with the teachings of Jesus,--started the unraveling of everything I'd been taught. It led to a spiritual crisis. And I'm not the only one. It is a generational phenomenon, and I know many others who have similar stories.

Tomorrow, I vote for Love. I believe that Biden's platform, his experience, his running mate, his campaign, his integrity are all better. Perfect? No. But we have a political process, a series of checks and balances, a way to govern that is not nearly as volatile as what we are experiencing today.

I will vote for those of us who have had to say "Me too", for those who have to worry about their marriages staying legal, for those who can't depend on getting the medical treatments they need, for those who don't feel safe in their skin.

If you think you can vote for the current administration and that it has no impact on people's real lives, their fundamental freedoms, you are wrong. I suspect that you don't worry about sexual assault or about your marriage staying legal or about having affordable health care or about having to defend yourself from people who don't like the color of your skin. It is a luxury to vote without those things in mind.

I would love to go on and talk about policy and media and science and integrity and democracy and about working for a company in a highly regulated industry and more, but I will leave it with just... Love.

I hope and pray that our country heals from this election.